You know, as I drive across this great country of ours, I've gotten to thinking, "is the tractor trailer driver next to me really masturbating?" And more often that not, yes, he is. Also, this picture: so not cool I don't even wanna go into it. So that's how it ends? Good to know, good to know. [collegehumor] Thanks to Nathan, who once traveled to the future to see what human life would be like in 2,200, but didn't see any. Well shit, Nathan, that's not a good sign.

The Can Grip snaps on to any standard aluminum can, providing the drinker with not only a handle, but a coaster. AAAAAAAH, future technology! Plus, they're cheap, only $10 for 6. Now, where the hell can I get some of that watermelon beer in the picture? And, more importantly, is it seedless? I already have enough watermelons growing in this ass! (The bottle said penis enlargement suppositories, I swear) Product Site via Can Grips: A Can Holder and Coaster in One [uberreview]

This is a Passat somebody lifted and added some big-ass tires to. It looks ridiculous and I wouldn't be caught dead driving it even if somebody killed me and propped me up in the front seat with a brick glued to my foot. Of course, then you might argue I couldn't help but be caught dead driving it, in which case -- shit, I'm calling my lawyer. Passat Monster Truck, Ready for The Fast and the Furious: Warsaw Drift [gizmodo] Thanks to Shane, who lifted his Neon, realized it was a bad idea, and drove it onto a lake.

This is the expensive-as-hell Louis Moinet Jurassic Tourbillon Watch. It's face is made out of 130-million year old dino bones (which would technically make it the Louis Moinet Cretaceous Tourbillon Watch, but rich people are idiots). "It's also got other nice features, like an 18K white gold case with 56 diamonds on the bezel". You know, as tacky as it is, I still want one. Provided I can cinch the band to the circumference of a telephone pole MONSTER TRUCK TIRE. This watch has dinosaur bones inside for some reason [dvice] Thanks to Quintin, Jimmy Jazz, Gavin and Dan, who, I have a birthday coming up in August, I'm just sayin'.

Aside from Geekologie and The International Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction Writer's Association, Lazertits might very well be the best site to ever hit the web -- and my retinas. HAPPY EYES!

For centuries the female bosom has been wrongfully held in the prison of maternal duty and frat boy motor-boating. The time has come to blow the cell doors open for breasts! Howl for hooters! Terrorize for tits! Bomb for boobs! LAZERTITS looks into the past and changes the future one broad at a time. What will YOU say when your kids ask where you were during the revolution? Don't burn your bra, BLAST IT!!!

The site consists entirely of women, with, you guessed it, PEW BOOBS. Unfortunately, because of all the awesomeness the site is probably regarded as NSFW. Actually, it definitely is -- I just spotted a woman with a nonfunctional laser vaj on page two. MEDIC! NSFW NSFW Lazertits NSFW NSFW Thanks to Lea C, who is a woman and thus makes my posting this entirely okay. Some would argue even noble.

This $27 Place Setting Placemat shows you where to set all the flatware and glasses when you're making a fancy dinner, so your guests are impressed with how highfalutin you are except for the blueprint placemats and microwavable lasagna. Also, I don't know about you, but I don't even own silverware. Or plates and bowls. The fanciest dinner I've ever had was wrapped in a paper towel and eaten over the sink. YES WITH TOP HAT AND MONOCLE. Jesus, I'm not a heathen. Product Site via Product SitePlace Setting Placemats Save You The Embarrassment Of Misplacing The Salad Fork [ohgizmo]

Geekologists, I'm leaving today to drive 2,100 miles cross country to Los Angeles, which I will be calling home until it chews me up and spits me out and tries to urinates on me before I roundhouse kick it in the pecker (I may be down, but I'm never out). That's my actual set-up in the picture, so you know the trip is gonna be pure awesome and smooth sailing. Things should return to normal by mid next-week, but I'll be continuing to write what I can in the mornings and have the posts drop throughout the day (including today, I've got at least six for you) as I travel, because I love you all that much. But if for any reason you aren't getting enough Geekologie to the vein, click the archive button to the right (or click random tags) and explore some of the other 6,500 articles on the site. One of the most popular tips I get is something I posted yesterday or last week, so there's bound to be something you've missed. And remember: I'll be thinking about you while I'm screaming at the blue hair in front of me for pulling out and going 40. Best, Your Geekologie Writer

Guess what? Those aren't misconceptions, those are the truth. So this isn't so much a win as a monster fail. Unless you're from the Unifying Force school of thought, in which case I can understand why you'd say the first part, but not the second. So at best half credit. And half credit, my friend, is only 60%. That's a C. Physics Win [failblog] Thanks to Iceman, who once mind-tricked the lunch lady into giving him an extra cinnamon roll. Lucky!

National Geographic photographer Andrew Evans recently spotted this rare color mutation of a King Penguin on the island of South Georgia, near Alabama Antarctica. Apparently the all-black coloration is unheard of in penguin's coats. But not trenchcoats. Per the photographer:

Melanism is merely the dark pigmentation of skin, fur -- or in this case, feathers. The unique trait derives from increased melanin in the body. Genes may play a role, but so might other factors. While melanism is common in many different animal species (e.g., Washington D.C. is famous for its melanistic squirrels), the trait is extremely rare in penguins. All-black penguins are so rare there is practically no research on the subject -- biologists guess that perhaps one in every quarter million of penguins shows evidence of at least partial melanism, whereas the penguin we saw appears to be almost entirely (if not entirely) melanistic.

Not to blow your ship off course or anything, Andrew, but look around. See anything unusual about the picture? The guy's mom f***ed a seal, bro. All-black penguin discovered [yahoonews] Thanks to Sven, how claims he saw an all-white penguin one time. Sven, that was a snowman.

This is a super-simple scene from Pixar's 'Up' created in LEGO by Peter Aoun. Now how cute is that? I just wanna eat all those lil balloons like candy! *crunch* Mmmmm, even better than I could've imagined! Here, you try a cloud. But wait, let's turn out the lights first -- I bet it'll spark like a WintOGreen Lifesaver! What? NO I'M NOT TOUCHING YOUR BUTT, YOU'RE TOUCHING YOUR BUTT! Peter's Flickr Gallery (with some other geeky LEGO builds) via Fresh-ass Fanart: Minimalist Lego Homage to Disney/Pixar's 'Up' [albotas]