Seen here looking suspiciously like a burnt steak and a half-eaten pickle, two of the seven beach rocks a 43-year old woman was carrying when her shorts caught fire await analysis to determine what caused them to spontaneously combust. I blame Poseidon. And I'm not just saying that because he doesn't let mermaids date humans, but that is a pretty dick move. THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO CHOOSE FOR THEMSELVES. *tosses amulet of water-breathing into the ocean like Rose at the end of Titanic*

Orange County Fire Authority officials tell the newspaper that the woman collected the rocks on a nearby beach, returned home and "was standing in her kitchen ... when the pocket of her cargo shorts caught fire." "I talked to the paramedic who treated her, and in his 27 years in responding to calls near the beach, he's never seen this," Fire Authority Capt. Marc Stone told the Register. "The rocks were still smoking when firefighters took them to the hospital." Now, they're being tested. It's possible, Stone said, that phosphorus in the stones may have caused the combustion.

Hoho -- the ol' phosphorus rock, flaming pocket trick. Man, I can't tell you how many enemy's peenors I've burnt off using the exact same tactic. You just sent them a couple phosphorus rocks to carry around with inspirational messages printed on them like 'SUCCESS' and 'HAPPINESS', and the next thing you know, WHOOSH, their balls are dripping down their pant legs. Thanks to Melissa and rod, who agree this is exactly why parents should teach their children to never talk to strange rocks on the beach. Seashells either.

Seen here looking suspiciously like a burnt steak and a half-eaten pickle, two of the seven beach rocks a 43-year old woman was carrying when her shorts caught fire await analysis to determine what caused them to spontaneously combust. I blame Poseidon. And I'm not just saying that because he doesn't let mermaids date humans, but that is a pretty dick move. THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO CHOOSE FOR THEMSELVES. *tosses amulet of water-breathing into the ocean like Rose at the end of Titanic*

Orange County Fire Authority officials tell the newspaper that the woman collected the rocks on a nearby beach, returned home and "was standing in her kitchen ... when the pocket of her cargo shorts caught fire." "I talked to the paramedic who treated her, and in his 27 years in responding to calls near the beach, he's never seen this," Fire Authority Capt. Marc Stone told the Register. "The rocks were still smoking when firefighters took them to the hospital." Now, they're being tested. It's possible, Stone said, that phosphorus in the stones may have caused the combustion.

Hoho -- the ol' phosphorus rock, flaming pocket trick. Man, I can't tell you how many enemy's peenors I've burnt off using the exact same tactic. You just sent them a couple phosphorus rocks to carry around with inspirational messages printed on them like 'SUCCESS' and 'HAPPINESS', and the next thing you know, WHOOSH, their balls are dripping down their pant legs. Thanks to Melissa and rod, who agree this is exactly why parents should teach their children to never talk to strange rocks on the beach. Seashells either.

In a heartbreaking new discovery, scientists studying the fossilized remains of a pliosaurus (a marine reptile, not actually a traditional dino) found evidence of a degenerative bone condition similar to modern arthritis. Wow -- first arthritis, then mass extinction? *shaking fist at the heavens* But they were so sexy, God!

Marks on the bones showed it continued to feed despite the condition, but the jaw weakened and eventually broke, with fatal consequences. Dr Sassoon said: "In the same way that aging humans develop arthritic hips, this old lady developed an arthritic jaw, and survived with her disability for some time. "But an unhealed fracture on the jaw indicates that at some time the jaw weakened and eventually broke. With a broken jaw, the pliosaur would not have been able to feed and that final accident probably led to her demise."

As tipster ShabbyOrange pointed out in his email, this is terrible news for time-travelers hoping to go back and experience a little prehistoric HJ action. Me, guys -- I'm talking about me. I swear, this is even worse than the time I found out dinosaurs didn't have tits. I just...I'll be in bed if you need me. Thanks to ShabbyOrange, who, listen: I know I'm not supposed to shoot the messenger, but I'm really angry right now I'm still gonna throw a rock at you, k?

This is a small gallery of deviantARTist Katy-Angel doing probably the best job I've seen cosplaying as everyone's favorite gladiatorial circus ringleader, Mad Moxxi. Sadly, as much as I loved Borderlands, I couldn't bring myself to grind all the way through Mad Moxxi's Underdome Riot DLC. I played all the other add-ons, got every other trophy and did absolutely everything else, including kill Crawmerax the Invincible. I just didn't feel like putting in the hours to beat Moxxi's Underdome. "Lies." Fine, I kept dying then rage-quit and took a bite out of the game disk. It did NOT taste like a futuristic laser bagel. Hit the jump for two more.

This is the Horizontal Shower from luxury bathroomer Dornbracht. You just lay on the stone pedestal like you're about to be sacrificed for a plentiful harvest, then let the six water jets soak your body, flooding your ass with cleanliness and washing away any rogue buttcrumbs like paper boats in a stream. Holy shit I should start writing product descriptions.

The shower comes with a controller they call the eTool, which lets you direct the flow from the various jets, and choose between various programmed patterns kind of like a massage bath. You can also use the eTool to regulate the water temperature and intensity.

Or you could, you know, lay down in a regular shower like I do. Sure it's not as glamorous and way more soap-scummy, but so what? IT'S CHEAP. Plus if you plug the drain with a toe and let the bath fill up your penis will float. Medical fact! Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and a video which, for a second, I thought was gonna be a softcore porno (and might have been!).

This is the Horizontal Shower from luxury bathroomer Dornbracht. You just lay on the stone pedestal like you're about to be sacrificed for a plentiful harvest, then let the six water jets soak your body, flooding your ass with cleanliness and washing away any rogue buttcrumbs like paper boats in a stream. Holy shit I should start writing product descriptions.

The shower comes with a controller they call the eTool, which lets you direct the flow from the various jets, and choose between various programmed patterns kind of like a massage bath. You can also use the eTool to regulate the water temperature and intensity.

Or you could, you know, lay down in a regular shower like I do. Sure it's not as glamorous and way more soap-scummy, but so what? IT'S CHEAP. Plus if you plug the drain with a toe and let the bath fill up your penis will float. Medical fact! Hit the jump for a couple more pictures and a video which, for a second, I thought was gonna be a softcore porno (and might have been!).

This is a small series of art deco style travel posters by artist Dave Ault advertising some of the cities superheroes work in/are from. I don't know about you, but I'd visit Gotham City. But only if The Joker was around and throwing a gala ball I could attend. That guy -- he seems like he knows how to party. But Wonder Woman's homeland of Theymscira? I didn't even know people were allowed to visit there. Isn't it like just a bunch of topless Amazonian women running around? That sounds like a terrible time. Hit the jump for The Flash, Wonder Woman, The Green Arrow and Superman.

Icelandic Parliament member Árni Johnsen nearly died in a car accident in 2010 but was saved by a family of elves living in a 30-ton boulder nearby. So, to thank them, he's agreed to move their boulder onto his property where they can live their lives in luxury and not off the side of a highway.

I had Ragnhildur Jónsdóttir, a specialist in the affairs of elves from Álfagarðurinn in Hellisgerði, Hafnarfjörður, to come look at the boulder with me [...] She said it was incredible, that she had never met three generations of elves in the same boulder before [...] She said an elderly couple lives on the upper floor but a young couple with three children on the lower floor [...] But they asked whether the boulder could stand on grass. I said that was no problem but asked why they wanted grass. 'It's because they want to have sheep.'

Admittedly, I was gonna call bullshit on this one from the start, but with names like "Álfagarðurinn in Hellisgerði, Hafnarfjörður" -- I dunno, that sounds like a place where elves might actually exist. And if they do... "We should go there, catch them in a sack, then beat it with a stick till they teach us earth-magic?" Bingo. Thanks to Ulri, who already has a family of elves living in the backyard but doesn't like to disturb them or they'll break in and steal things out of the kitchen cabinets.

Seen here moments before child services were called, two LEGO parents grossly neglect 22 of their 24 bundles of joy crying hysteria. And now custom LEGO printer Citizen Brick is selling the orphaned minifigs for a scant $1 apiece. But seriously, somebody should have told that guy to put a plastic cap on his nubbin. Wrap it up, bro -- your wife is FERTILE. Kidding, I have no clue where LEGO babies come from. But I suspect a dragon from one of the medieval castle sets brings them if you pray really hard and put enough little gold pieces of eight from one of the pirate sets under your pillow at night. "They had sex, GW." WHAT? Toys don't have sex! None of mine do anyways. Okay, except for the Ninja Turtles. And, if I get drunk enough, MAYBE the Jurassic Park playset. "Is that why you've been walking like a penguin all day?" I think a t-rex might've chased the Jeep into my keister! Hit the jump for an assortment of some of the other custom-printed LEGO pieces Citizen Brick sells, including some zombie parts, some kinky shit, and a dude with a bong.

Seen here moments before child services were called, two LEGO parents grossly neglect 22 of their 24 bundles of joy crying hysteria. And now custom LEGO printer Citizen Brick is selling the orphaned minifigs for a scant $1 apiece. But seriously, somebody should have told that guy to put a plastic cap on his nubbin. Wrap it up, bro -- your wife is FERTILE. Kidding, I have no clue where LEGO babies come from. But I suspect a dragon from one of the medieval castle sets brings them if you pray really hard and put enough little gold pieces of eight from one of the pirate sets under your pillow at night. "They had sex, GW." WHAT? Toys don't have sex! None of mine do anyways. Okay, except for the Ninja Turtles. And, if I get drunk enough, MAYBE the Jurassic Park playset. "Is that why you've been walking like a penguin all day?" I think a t-rex might've chased the Jeep into my keister! Hit the jump for an assortment of some of the other custom-printed LEGO pieces Citizen Brick sells, including some zombie parts, some kinky shit, and a dude with a bong.